Realizing an aging parent needs assistance is difficult, but hearing him or her vehemently refuse that help can feel impossible to navigate. Resistance to care is a common reaction rooted in fear, but with patience and the right approach, you can help your loved one accept the support he or she needs.
Uncover the Root of the Resistance
Before you can change your loved one’s mind, you need to understand why he or she is saying no. Rarely is the refusal about the care itself. Usually, it’s about what the care represents. For many seniors, accepting a caregiver feels like the final surrender of their independence. They may fear becoming a burden, losing their privacy to a stranger, or admitting they’re physically declining.
Instead of arguing with the refusal, ask open-ended questions to identify your loved one’s specific fears. Is your loved one worried about the cost? Does your loved one think a stranger will steal from him or her? Once you validate your loved one’s feelings rather than dismissing them, you can address the specific barrier preventing your loved one from accepting help.
Living independently is important for seniors who want to maintain a high quality of life. For some, this simply means receiving help with tasks that have become more challenging to manage over time. Even when families have the best intentions, they may not have the time to provide the care their elderly loved ones need and deserve. If your loved one needs help for a few hours a day or a few days a week, reach out to InCasa Home Care Services, a trusted provider of respite care Edmonton seniors can depend on.
Shift the Focus to Your Peace of Mind
If logic regarding safety isn’t working, try framing the need for care around your own feelings. Parents often remain protective of their children well into adulthood, and your loved one may be willing to accept help if he or she believes it benefits you.
Move the conversation away from your loved one’s “failings” and toward your “feelings.”
- Avoid: “You’re forgetting to take your medication, so you need a nurse.”
- Try: “I love you so much, but I find myself staying up at night worrying about you being alone. It would give me such peace of mind to know someone is stopping by to check in.”
By making the request about reducing your anxiety, you allow your loved one to accept care as a favour to you, which preserves his or her dignity.
Introduce Care Gradually
Bringing a stranger into the home for eight hours a day is a massive adjustment. If safety permits, try introducing in-home care incrementally. This “wading in” approach feels less like a loss of control and more like a convenience.
Start with less intrusive forms of assistance:
- Housekeeping – Hire someone solely for cleaning or laundry first.
- Transportation – Frame the caregiver as a driver to help your loved one get to appointments or social events.
- Meal prep – Suggest a service that cooks dinner so your loved one doesn’t have to stand over a stove.
Once your loved one becomes comfortable with a specific person in the home, it may be easier to gradually expand that person’s duties to include personal care or medication reminders.
The type of home care Edmonton seniors need can vary. Some need assistance a few hours a day, while others require more extensive around-the-clock assistance. At InCasa Home Care Services, we tailor our care plans based on each senior’s individual care needs, and the plans can be adjusted at any time.
Enlist the Help of Professionals
Sometimes, you’re simply too close to the situation to be the messenger. Parents may view their children’s advice as nagging or controlling, even when it comes from a place of love. In these cases, hearing the hard truth from an authority figure can make a difference.
Schedule an appointment with your loved one’s primary care physician and inform the doctor beforehand about your concerns. A doctor can write a “prescription” for in-home care or explain the medical necessity of assistance in a way that carries more weight. You can also enlist the help of:
- Trusted clergy members
- Geriatric care managers
- Social workers
- Close friends or neighbours who already use home care services
Involve Your Loved One in the Decision-Making Process
One of the biggest reasons for resistance in seniors is the feeling that decisions are being made for them rather than with them. To combat this, give your loved one as much agency as possible during the hiring process.
Turn the selection of a caregiver into a collaborative effort. Let your loved one review resumes with you and sit in on interviews. Ask your loved one to have the final say on who’s hired. Seniors who feel they chose their caregivers are far more likely to get along with them. Additionally, allow your loved one to dictate the schedule when possible. If your loved one isn’t a morning person, ensure the caregiver arrives in the afternoon. Restoring a sense of control can significantly lower your loved one’s defenses.
Aging in place can present a few unique challenges for older adults. Some only require part-time assistance with exercise or meal preparation, while others are living with serious illnesses and benefit more significantly from receiving Edmonton live-in care. InCasa Home Care Services are leaders in the elderly in-home care industry for good reason. We tailor our care plans based on each senior’s individual needs, our caregivers continue to receive updated training in senior care as new developments arise, and we also offer comprehensive care for seniors with Alzheimer’s, dementia, and Parkinson’s. To learn about our high-quality in-home care services, give us a call today.
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